People grow up and go away to school, and they even move away from their families, far, far away, FOREVER, and this is just a part of life. But I don't like it that much. Miranda told us the other day that she would have to move out when she got older, but she would live next door. And I almost made her sign a contract right then because HOW CAN PEOPLE STAND IT?I know many of you whose blogs I read and who have some minute chance of reading this (after I've chased you away with my lack of regular posting, posts about tasteless jokes that are only funny to me because I spend a lot of time with toddlers, and other poor blogging decisions) live far away from your family of origin so maybe you will be able to shed light on this phenomenon. I mean, my own husband falls in your ranks and he seems to survive I suppose. Although I miss my inlaws SO much sometimes that I get the feeling for how it must be.
My meanderings on the topic stem from my brother and sister-in-law's recent move BACK to China for 2 years. It has been BRUTAL. Nevermind that I am currently pregnant= hormones=I laugh about NOTHING until I cry, and cry about EVERYTHING. I could barely speak for a week before they left because I was so sad about them leaving that I basically would have started bawling whenever I tried to squeak out a word.
It was bad enough that they used to have to travel back and forth when it was just Patrick and Xiao Yu, because they are so fun and make up most of what we once called our social life and now call "what we do during whatever time we're not doing the other stuff that we do." But now, they take an adorable, roundy-nosed little squishface 4+ month old with them!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not to L.A. or even NYC or even London. TO CHINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For 2 YEARS!!!!!
Come on people.
But I love them and I appreciate that it is ONLY 2 years for now, and that the purpose is good. I felt much better after I heard the story of Lucas' Chinese Grandmother watching him sleep all night the first night because she was so in love with him and she hadn't been able to see him do all of the adorable things we had. But then I feel worse again sometimes, like...- When we get to Sunday dinner at the Belnap's and I feel weird about sitting in their seats and there is no baby in the swing next to the table. :( (Yes I am already crying while typing this.)
- When we think about doing something fun and then think how it won't be as fun because they're not with us.
- When I go downstairs in the Belnap's and they are not in their room but a bunch of stuff that reminds me of them IS! (I have only done this once and will NOT be doing it again.) (How will I handle my kids going on missions?!!)
- There are lots more but ESPECIALLY....When Sammy asks me every day if he can see Lucas, and when we come into Grandma and Pa's house and the first thing he does EVERY TIME is look around for Lucas, ask for Lucas, tell us Lucas is downstairs and will not believe any dissent from that fact, and, today, after hearing AGAIN that Lucas won't be here for a long time and that he is in China, saying, "I wanna go dere" over and over again.
I don't know how you can do it without a knowledge that there is something beyond this life, this temporary existence, where there will be no shortage of time available to experience wonderful feelings and experiences, and potentially no separation from those we love most. That information is the greatest gift I can think of, which makes me think I should be telling other people about that more than I am.
Good thing I sat down to write this. Isn't it nice when you receive insight from your own process of writing down things you need insight on? Another blessing to count.
But I can still miss them and cry about it sometimes, right?
10 comments:
Of course you can cry! That's when you call me and I bring chocolate.
When I was pregnant, I would laugh and cry at the same time.....I would start out laughing and inevitably end up crying EVERY TIME. Hormones are so weird! I'm sorry you're missing your family. I'm thinkng of you.
Thank goodness for internet, emailed pictures and letter, and those live internet camera things. Hopefully they will have internet access. Family is the best! PS You have the right to cry anytime. :)
Oh Distance, how cruel a thing!! I loved reading this post. You have written so many of the same emotions that I have felt, living far from family (although China does take the proverbial cake)and I too rejoice in the glory of the gospel. How it heals/soothes the heart. Family is everything. You are a wonderful, devoted sister and I love to read of your love for you siblings. Love you Sharon!
this makes me miss them for you...*tears*
Thanks for posting this on the day that I arrived back in Switzerland from a 6 week stay in Utah with family. You made me think I am crazy for living here. It is hard to live so far from family but Skype helps a bit. At least we can still see them and talk to them as often as we want. How did people do it before such lovely modern conveniences?
yes, yes you can.
oh sad day! I bet it would help your kids if you sang to them, because even hormonal pregnancies can't make your beautiful voice go away, during some of the hardest moments of my life, I have felt the Spirit calm me through music; yours included! Your family is beautiful
China is forever away, I'm so sorry, you have every right to cry. If it makes you feel any better (or just makes me seem more strange) I cry somtimes as I watch the deacons pass the sacrament because I know that one day I will turn around and it will be Luke and the next day (not literally, but you know how time works for an emotional mom) I'll turn around and he'll be gone on a mission. I want him to do all those things, but my heart already hurts thinking about my boy not being with me.I hope the two years fly by and that they come visit!
Sharon, please write a book someday, ok?
You make me laugh or cry every time I come to your blog. Wait... I'm not pregnant, too, am I? (I'm really very NOT pregnant right now, btw... that's a JOKE).
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